Loretta's On The Warpath Again

James Writing This Morning folks...

I ought'a knowed better than to git Loretta's dander up! She's like the hair-trigger on that blasted shotgun of hers. Before I knowed it, that blame thing was stuck in my face and I just knowed I was goin' home to Jesus!

But don't you know, I just couldn't help it! That ole' gal know she put her foot in that dinner the other night!!! It was lip smacking genwine good! Nothin' special but when that gal sets out to 'stir the pot' a man cant help it! 

  She got all bent outta shape 'cause...well...she didn't get a picture and well...dat-blast it...I ate the whole shebang! Hee-hee...that stuff show was good!

 Let's see, I think I 'et southern fried pork chops, rice-w-her good ole' Cajun brown gravy...yum-yum! Some where I thought I 'et some vegetables but I don't know 'cause them homemade rolls was fightin' to git in my belly!

  I was still trying to eat when I saw the barrel of that shotgun nuzzled at the side of my mouth... but ya'll know me, I set out to runnin' and as you can see Loretta was in hot pursuit on my heels. She'd put down the shotgun and was runnin'...you hear me...runnin' with that there walking device! Bless her heart, I felt kinda bad then...ya'll know she fell when Kitty took her feet right out from under her and messed her up some bad...

  There was fire in that ole' gals eyes, if she had put on her war paint she'd looked just like her granddad! All of a sudden she hauled off and slipped then fell again! Lordy, and it was all 'cause of me!
  I fell to my knees prayin' to Jesus she werent hurt bad! Lord if anything happens to Loretta on the count of me I don't know what I'd do!  Oh Lord!!

I got her up and in her chair and through her tears she told me it took her all day to cook that meal and she wanted to surprise me 'cause I'd taken care of her all this time. She just wanted to rest a while 'cause her ankle and leg was so swollen from being up on it, and she fell asleep. 
  
  She was still sleeping when I got in and I didn't want to wake her, so I went in and fixed my plate (s) and before I knowed it...all the dinner was gone! I didn't leave her nothing but scraps...what kind of husband would do this to his wife? I could have kicked myself... she didn't need to get the gun at me, my head was beatin' the heck outta me!

I was so shame 'cause she wouldn't eat anything from me. She made herself cinnamon toast and a glass of milk then went  to bed. She made me do the dishes too!

   I know...you gals wanta' git after me too but I righted my wrong and she's ok... but, knowing her it will be this time the other side of next year 'fore she speaks to me again...but that's ok...she's still here with me and I'll take that any day!
Well, that's what happen and I'm a lucky man that ya'll ain't sending out sympathy post 'cause my belly got me in trouble... ain't that sad!!! 

Ya'll Have a Good Weekend And listen up Husbands,
Don't be a ass like me...take care of your Honeys and treat 'em right cause you ain't gonna' find another one like her to put up with your tom-foolery!!

Sick-in-Louisiana,
James